About Novid Shaid

I am a Muslim writer and English teacher. I have written poetry, short stories, a play, and I am currently working on a novella. My subject matter and themes are related to Islam, Sufism, politics and also my job as a secondary school teacher. My work is copyrighted and any works published here may not used or copied without my prior consent. You can contact me via the "Contact Me" page, if you wish to use any these writings. I am keen to gain the notice of publishers and if any are interested in my writings, please contact me via the "Contact Me" page. Was salaam, Peace

Coz I’m Muslim and I’m British…

Coz I’m Muslim and I’m British

I really can’t help it

I was born in the Royal Bucks Hospital

As was my future spouse

I went to school with the Catholics

I went to mosque in a Victorian house

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Fasting in Aylesbury

It’s Ramadan and I’m fasting

On the streets of Aylesbury

My hunger sighs out like a violin

My thirst desires the sea

I aim to focus my heart on God

And give my hunger a lesson

I aim to follow the scripture’s truth

And feel how drink is a blessing

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(SATIRE) ATTENTION: LEAKED MEMO-ISLAMIC PLOT TO DOMINATE ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRIES BY 2030

(This memo was discovered online by freedom activist, Bobby Tomminson, using extensive investigative journalism and google searches, for example, evil-Muslim-plots, Islamic-invasion-plan and all-Muslims-are-ISIS- though he later had to receive counselling for mistyping Muslim-Bomb to Muslim-bumb.)

MEMO: FOR ALL ENGLISH-SPEAKING MUSLIMS

GUIDANCE ON GAINING DOMINION OVER EUROPE AND NORTH AMERICA BY 2030

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

First, we will infiltrate the language, word by word. We will demand that one or two of our words are adopted to promote community cohesion. So instead of common words like magazine, we will replace it with… (wait, magazine is already from Arabic- makhzan/khazana) Okay, instead of their numbers, we will replace them with Arabic numerals… (oh, hang about, the numbers are already Arabic), well, instead we will replace words they are fond of like alcohol.. (oh, that’s from al-kuhul- Arabic again) and when they get older, they will live in one of our words- bungalow… (but that’s already from Bengali/Hindi/Urdu).

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The Two Strange Men Of Kashgar

One day, two men were arrested at the Id Gah mosque in Kashgar and sent away for cultural citizenship education. Onlookers, rather stunned, watched as the men were ushered into the police van, while the accompanying officers scanned around for potential trouble. No one stirred as the officers jumped in the back of the van, next to the men, who were also seated silently. The authorities were expecting a massive uproar from the locals, especially as intelligence had uncovered that these two men were revered as holy men or healers, who lived on the streets and could heal supernaturally. But there was no resistance; no struggles. The locals seemed pacified and the two men just sat there calmly. Just as the van pulled away, a local grocer woman called out: “see you again, insha Allah.”

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The Great Replacement

Let’s implement the Great Replacement
Let’s make the world supreme again!

Let’s replace the fear of the other
With the cheer of true brothers

Let’s replace the blaming of immigrants
With the blaming of ignorance

Let’s replace the scourge of racial supremacy
With the urge for common humanity

Let’s replace the illusion of racial supremacy
With the fusion of racial diversity

Let’s replace the sentiment of “they’re invading us,”
With the sentiment of “they’re guests for us.”

Let’s replace the darkness of cultural ignorance
With the understanding of cultural difference

Let’s replace the kneejerk to separate and withdraw
With cooperating for the common good and the law

Let’s replace the vermin of extremist violence
With the sacred sermons of listening silence

Let’s replace the fifth columns of conspiracy
With the true solemn acts of charity

Let’s replace the fake news on racial extermination
And take views on racial invigoration

Let’s replace the ghettos of hatred and malice
With the gardens of love and compassion

Let’s replace the dread of Trojan horses, hidden
With the sincere search for the truth within

Let’s replace the desire to nuke a whole race
With the desire to invigorate the human race

Let’s replace the fear of Muslims and Islam
With true knowledge to avert future harm

Let’s implement the Great Replacement
Let’s make the world supreme again!

Simorgh At Islamabad Arrivals

In Islamabad arrivals, a great hullabaloo arose, like a volcano erupting. Hundreds of tired and disgruntled travellers crowded the luggage belts, struggling to catch sight of their possessions, like a flock of herons, frantically searching the water for fish. Faces scowled; babies wailed; ladies sat back, fanning themselves with their scarves. It had been two hours; their luggage had failed to arrive and, to make matters worse, the luggage of the next arrivals was beginning to appear instead.

“What the hell is this!” yelled a large, moustachioed fellow, in a rich, white salwar qameez. The officials, in blue uniforms, continued to play dumb, expressing platitudes: “we have some technical difficulties… One of the computers has malfunctioned, but it will be fixed, and your luggage will be here soon.”

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