(SATIRE) ATTENTION: LEAKED MEMO-ISLAMIC PLOT TO DOMINATE ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRIES BY 2030

(This memo was discovered online by freedom activist, Bobby Tomminson, using extensive investigative journalism and google searches, for example, evil-Muslim-plots, Islamic-invasion-plan and all-Muslims-are-ISIS- though he later had to receive counselling for mistyping Muslim-Bomb to Muslim-bumb.)

MEMO: FOR ALL ENGLISH-SPEAKING MUSLIMS

GUIDANCE ON GAINING DOMINION OVER EUROPE AND NORTH AMERICA BY 2030

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

First, we will infiltrate the language, word by word. We will demand that one or two of our words are adopted to promote community cohesion. So instead of common words like magazine, we will replace it with… (wait, magazine is already from Arabic- makhzan/khazana) Okay, instead of their numbers, we will replace them with Arabic numerals… (oh, hang about, the numbers are already Arabic), well, instead we will replace words they are fond of like alcohol.. (oh, that’s from al-kuhul- Arabic again) and when they get older, they will live in one of our words- bungalow… (but that’s already from Bengali/Hindi/Urdu).

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The Two Strange Men Of Kashgar

One day, two men were arrested at the Id Gah mosque in Kashgar and sent away for cultural citizenship education. Onlookers, rather stunned, watched as the men were ushered into the police van, while the accompanying officers scanned around for potential trouble. No one stirred as the officers jumped in the back of the van, next to the men, who were also seated silently. The authorities were expecting a massive uproar from the locals, especially as intelligence had uncovered that these two men were revered as holy men or healers, who lived on the streets and could heal supernaturally. But there was no resistance; no struggles. The locals seemed pacified and the two men just sat there calmly. Just as the van pulled away, a local grocer woman called out: “see you again, insha Allah.”

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True Stories: 1

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Here’s a funny little anecdote that involved me as a youth. The morals of this story include that when you are giving people dawah about the deen, take their age, mentality and lifestyle into account before you tell them anything about Islam. And also, when giving dawah to youngsters, especially those brought up in the west, think carefully about what you’re going to say.

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